Instead of the Hall of Mirrors, It's the Hall of Doors

In life, our mind changes what it wants. Sometimes just realizing what you can do or finding out new information, opens all kind of doors. What if there are multiple doors open all around you, you can stretch with all your might to try to fit in all of them. It's just impossible. Our bodies can only go through one door at a time.

I might complain all the time how I have no energy, no focus, or no time. Or maybe I'm so excited about what is happening at that one point in my life. The truth is that I have multiple doors I want to go through. I'm confused, stressed, and tired when I try to go through them all. When I am able to get a foot inside though, I'm excited about the the new opportunities. I just need to stop. Take one door at a time.

I'm the worst at taking my own advice and sometimes worse at taking others. You know those kids who retaliate and yell back when you try to tell them something to do. Well that's me. Every time I hear something I don't like, that has to do with what I should do, that little kid in me just wants to throw a fit and make the other person feel as bad as I do. Now I don't do that. I'm grown enough to hold it in, but you should know that I'm still thinking about it.

This past week (since my birthday), doors have open, shut, open, shut, open, and slammed in my face. Everytime I would take a step toward a door to make a descion on the one thing I need to focus about, something happens and it closes. It's been a bad week...... Then on top of it, today was one of the worst.

Each bad thing this week has influenced to one door then another. I have had many ideas what I should do about work, college, and my career. Art will always be part of it, it's the one thing I can always count on. What about all the other factors? My two different majors, my job at the daycare for three years, my sorority, my family (and thought of future family), my health, and other goals. Each semester it feels like I have to decide how much I will be involved in each one. It sucks and it tears me apart each time.

This past week and new door materialized, I learned about a new school with my current major and I thought it would be good. Well others didn't think the same. It was slammed in my face and I had to lock it shut to not be tempted again. So then two old doors showed themself again to me. One door hold my school, my art education major, and my sorority. My job at the daycare will be non-existant or just for holidays. Door number two is taking time off from school, working all the time, working on my health/weight, and other goals. Then  hopefully taking care of them by next fall and returning to school, but by then I won't have the sorority to go back to. How will college be without them? I've just been so confused. Everytime I think I have it all figured out and know which way I want to go, something else happens and I can't help to think "Whoa, do I really want that after what just happened?" Today has been filled with these thoughts.

I'm always filled of thoughts of trying to finish school as soon as possible because I can not wait for the day to have my own family. I love children and I can't wait until I have some of my own. I want those days to come. But I know I have to wait until I can support myself before any little ones. Others want their college days of little responsibilities and all the fun to go on forever. I want it over as soon as possible. But today both my sister and brother said I really haven't experienced real college life since, I'm always communting to different towns for work and school and don't get to be involved on campus. Maybe they are right, and once I do I won't mind all the college life too much, or maybe not.

All these thoughts have made me so exhausted. Going to bed each night by 9pm and still wanting to stay in my warm bed at 6am. I have knots in my stomach and constant worry over my head. Artists shouldn't have all these stresses, just be free-spirited and let life flow and time non-existant. I wish I was that hippie and grovey enough for that, but alas parents worried about numbers and business do not make hippie children. My father already has no idea where me and my sister get our creativity, I couldn't even imagine how lost we would be that way. Anyway that's what I want in my life right now, no worries, no stresses, no responsibilites, all doors to disappear and live as I want with no preconcived ideas on how life should be.................................................... Ahhhhhh... that will never happen. Plus it's too boring. That's how I get into my messes, I like to do multiple things at once, so I'm not bored. Well it's my curse. I should get use to this Hall of Doors because I know no matter when in my life, it will always been there. I just wish there was one door bigger than the rest that could hold all that I wanted to do, so stepping through wouldn't be a problem.

Oh Alice!!! May I borrow your "Drink Me" potion?
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A Pretty Calm Saturday

Today I can rejoice in the fact that I won't be going anywhere. I'll be staying home working on some much needed projects. After sleeping for 14 hours (long time I know!) I know I'll have plenty of energy to get this done. I have collages, gifts, a mirror to finish fixing, and holiday things to work on. This will be the most time I will have in awhile.

I also have some school work to complete and I have lots to complete early next week for school, before my birthday. I can't have school stand in my way of having a good time.

Now you know why I will enjoy this day around the house I'm going to get to work. Hopefully I will have a lot of things to post that I got done today.

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Energy Drain

There is so much I want to do. After work I feel drained though. I have art projects to do, cleaning and organizing, school work, books to read, and more. All I want to do though is to go to bed. So if I take a nap I waste my night by sleeping and if I don't then I'm too tired to do anything.

I don't like energy drinks or 5 hour energy shots. I like my sleep but not feel like I waste time when I do. How do other artists get things done when they work other jobs? I want to get more done, I see all you others doing it and I want to know how you do it in your life.
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It's October!

I have read blogs about how much they love October because it brings fall and Halloween. Well I'm not any different. It really is my favorite month of the year. I love sweaters, cool weather, leaves changing, many family birthdays (including mine!), Halloween (though I didn't use to get into it), and my new favorite thing ghosts.

So I am sitting in my school's library cafe. Wearing one of my new lovely sweaters while it is cool outside. It's actually cold, 55 degrees. It's only because of the rain and no sun. But I love it! I can wear all my favorite clothes, bundle up, and be cozy. I normally hate rain, I don't care today, because it's FALL!!!!

Because I love fall so much, I feel like there is never enough time in the month. Fall festivals, pumpkin patches, my brothers birthday, my dads birthday, my aunts birthday, and my birthday, college classes(yuck!), Halloween, Pi Phi Initiation, EKU Homecoming. So many of these things will take days out of my time this month. I've already planned on celebrating my birthday with friends on three different nights, in three different towns (restaurants, bars). Then I have our family birthday celebration day. Oh and I so want to go back to Shadowbox for their Nightmare at the Shadowbox show in Newport, Ky. Shadowbox is a rocknroll concert/ skits. It's so funny plus great booze and food. You would think its alot of partying and drinking... well yes but I do have purity week for my sorority during all this. So nothing then. But afterwards EKU Homecoming and tailgating, which is the night before Halloween. Then Halloween, on a Sunday. Yeah I am doing all this with a full-time job and full-time student. I'll make it work somehow.

A few months ago I got sucked into the show Ghost Adventures. Well new episodes are out and they went to two places in Kentucky. One everyone goes to and the other I have never heard of before. I am so anti-thriller/gore movies, haunted house, etc. because all that stuff scares me. I didn't even want to go a ghost tour when I lived in Savannah, GA. I think that's when I came to terms that all this ghost stuff is pretty interesting. So I so want to go to Waverly Hills and Bobby Mackeys. Bobby Mackeys is a bar/ country night club, so it's a public venue. It's right next to Newport, KY. I really want to make a stop there before or after going to the Shadowbox. That place is so active during both episodes on the show. I really want to go. I'll probably be scared and nerves kicking me in the stomach the whole time. But this is the month to do all this.

Now after you think I am probably a freak..... I need to figure out what I will be for Halloween. I hate buying costumes and like making it from what I have. Last year I was a gypsy with tarot cards, but I didn't learn how to read them in time. This year since Halloween is on a Sunday, I have sorority meeting that night still and we are having a costume contest. The thing is it is also Homecoming weekend. I don't know how parties and bars are gonna be doing, so I need to be prepared. I'm just clueless and what I want to be though........ I need help brainstorming.
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Inspiration Come From Everywhere

About a month ago I had a gift card to JoAnn Fabrics, they were having a big sale, and one thing I bought that day was a large pack of random autumn scrapbook paper. There was two pages that I loved and I wanted to paint. You never know where insppiration come from. Well being sick sometimes help getting a few things done. Just sitting and painting is so relaxing and I somehow that these done fairly quickly. Painting isn't normally my thing, but I have loved how these turned out.

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Catching Up With Blogging

Ok for at least a month (but it feels like more), I haven't been reading any of my blogs and only wrote a little. I finally at least glanced at every blog I missed. So I feel really out of touch with all of those I read about. Which if you read about me and don't know me in person, you probably feel the same way since I haven't wrote in so long.

Welllll..... Art Walk is over. It was a really nice experience. I got to meet many artists in the area and never knew how many there were. I got to set up the exhibit for the Franklin County Fair Winners in a newly refurbished building in downtown. Well the exhibit could have gone the best it could since people who had to drop off work got confused and the inability to contact many of them. Best I could hope for. In that same building 6 floors up were some artist studios. I was in love! This is the tallest building during that time, so those floor tower over the rest of downtown and have GREAT views...... My friend, Heather who helped me that day is also an artist. I was practically begging her for us to have a studio together. They are about $300 a month, I think. Even if we spilt it, it would be hard to manage. So it's a dream.... The artists up there were really nice and said more artists need to move in, since it's also open for office space. Rather make it an artists community. I don't blame them.

Also at the Art Walk I got to see International know glass-blown work. My dad almost had a heart attack when I was standing a foot away and saw that the price tag was $25000. Yep I don't want to break that and buy it. Also plenty of guerrilla artists, performing in the streets. Surprisingly, my dad was able to figure out what many of them were doing, though he had no idea what they are. He doesn't understand much about art though. I just wish to be able to have my own exhibit space another time.

My mural at work........... I feel bad. I don't even know when is the last time I worked on it. I keep on saying "oh Ill do it next week" "I couldn't find my headphones", etc. Just excuses. I want it done but I so ready to move on. It was such a big project to take on by myself. My concentration for it is gone. I need something to shock me back into the inspiration I need to finish it and it can be done.

A deadline is also approaching for this Artists Against Poverty Silent Auction. It's next week..... I'm a little freaking out since I knew about it for two months and have yet to do anything for it. I just need to make my submission and hope some of my current pieces make it into the show. Not only does it go toward a good cause, it gets my name out there, and I can make my first profit from my work.

Yes that aside, I have never really tried to sell my work before. I put two things on etsy just to see what happens. Yep nothing. I keep wanting to get serious and make that step into selling my work. We have a local band sale in December and a Expo sale in June that craftsmen have booths into sale their work. I told my mom I wanted to be in the band sale this December. Then I changed my mind. I don't have the time to be prepared for something like that. Then I read a magazine, saw a few images, and had a few ideas of things I can make that I can sale along with my artwork at the band sale. Now I am excited. I made one things to see if my mom likes it and she loves it. For now, it's a secret. For the past two days that's what I want to work on.

Well there is the update. I just left out most of work, school, and sorority life all together. Now I want to get back to work on some planning for some future projects.
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The Artist

The Artist

As an ISFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your value system. Your secondary mode is external, where you take things in via your five sense in a literal, concrete fashion.
ISFPs live in the world of sensation possibilities. They are keenly in tune with the way things look, taste, sound, feel and smell. They have a strong aesthetic appreciation for art, and are likely to be artists in some form, because they are unusually gifted at creating and composing things which will strongly affect the senses. They have a strong set of values, which they strive to consistently meet in their lives. They need to feel as if they're living their lives in accordance with what they feel is right, and will rebel against anything which conflicts with that goal. They're likely to choose jobs and careers which allow them the freedom of working towards the realization of their value-oriented personal goals.
ISFPs tend to be quiet and reserved, and difficult to get to know well. They hold back their ideas and opinions except from those who they are closest to. They are likely to be kind, gentle and sensitive in their dealings with others. They are interested in contributing to people's sense of well-being and happiness, and will put a great deal of effort and energy into tasks which they believe in.
ISFPs have a strong affinity for aesthetics and beauty. They're likely to be animal lovers, and to have a true appreciation for the beauties of nature. They're original and independent, and need to have personal space. They value people who take the time to understand the ISFP, and who support the ISFP in pursuing their goals in their own, unique way. People who don't know them well may see their unique way of life as a sign of carefree light-heartedness, but the ISFP actually takes life very seriously, constantly gathering specific information and shifting it through their value systems, in search for clarification and underlying meaning.
ISFPs are action-oriented individuals. They are "doers", and are usually uncomfortable with theorizing concepts and ideas, unless they see a practical application. They learn best in a "hands-on" environment, and consequently may become easily bored with the traditional teaching methods, which emphasize abstract thinking. They do not like impersonal analysis, and are uncomfortable with the idea of making decisions based strictly on logic. Their strong value systems demand that decisions are evaluated against their subjective beliefs, rather than against some objective rules or laws.
ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others.
ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please. They have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words.
ISFPs have no desire to lead or control others, just as they have no desire to be led or controlled by others. They need space and time alone to evaluate the circumstances of their life against their value system, and are likely to respect other people's needs for the same.
The ISFP is likely to not give themself enough credit for the things which they do extremely well. Their strong value systems can lead them to be intensely perfectionist, and cause them to judge themselves with unneccesary harshness.
The ISFP has many special gifts for the world, especially in the areas of creating artistic sensation, and selflessly serving others. Life is not likely to be extremely easy for the ISFP, because they take life so seriously, but they have the tools to make their lives and the lives of those close to them richly rewarding experiences.
Jungian functional preference ordering:
Dominant: Introverted Feeling
Auxilliary: Extraverted Sensing
Tertiary: Introverted Intuition
Inferior: Extraverted Thinking

Possible Career Paths for the ISFP:
  • Artist
  • Musician / Composer
  • Designer
  • Child Care / Early Childhood Development
  • Social Worker / Counselor
  • Teacher
  • Psychologist
  • Veterinarian
  • Forest Ranger
  • Pediatrician
This may be why I can't make up my mind between Artist, Teacher, and Child Care
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My Birthday List

My birthday is almost in a month, October 14th. I'll be 22. So it's not one of those let's go out and get crazy birthdays in my opinion. I was gonna wait a bit before I put this out, but my sister mentioned about needing to have a wish list the other day. So whatever. It won't hurt being put up earlier. I'm making my wish list on here so it will be easier to share with my family. Plus I have read other bloggers doing the same, and I thought it was interesting to see.

The Game Of Things
I've seen it at the stores for awhile and I have eyed it but I finally want it. We had a game growing up called Party Lines. I think this game is the modern version on it. I loved that game and really think this would be a another great on to have.

You can never have too much canvas, art supplies make me excited. I don't know what I can make it into. I'm a nerd yes....

Holga Camera
These cameras make beautiful photos. Yes it has film you have to develop. I have followed blogs that take photos with a holga camera and they look amazing. It's such an artistic look and after seeing what these people do with theirs I really want to try it myself.


Hunger Games, Catching Fire, Mockingjay
I know Heather asked for these for Christmas and got duplicates of the books. I wish I was into them then cuz maybe I could have taken them. Lol. Heather got me into these books this Summer and they are amazing. Yes I already read them.... but they are really good and I want my own on my shelf, so I don't have to borrow Heather's.

City of Bones, City of Ashes, City of Glass
Another great books Heather had me read and I want my own.

The Host
I read this a few years ago and recently they put out a new one with extra chapters. I was wanting to reread it anyways, so this is great. It's in paper back.

House of Night Tempted, Burned
I have the other books in this series but I have yet to read these.

Blue Bloods Keys to the Repository, Misguided Angel (Comes out on Oct.26th)
Same I have all the others in this series but I don't have these. And I have yet to read them.

Collage Playground
This a book to help collage artists with different techniques there are. I looked at it in the bookstore and it looks like a  really good resource.

The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown
I loved the movie Da Vinci Code and the book Angels and Demons. This book is supposed to follow the same type of characters as the other two books by Dan Brown.

Vampire Academy Frostbite, Shadow Kiss, Blood Promise, Spirit Bound, Last Sacrifice (Out on Dec 7th)
I have the first book in the series and it was really good. I have to catch up on all the other books.

A Dark Brown Body Pillow
I have one but I always like to sleep with one and it was a pain dragging it to and from campus plus I love pillows so it would just be easier and nicer with a second one.

A Black Poster Frame 24"x 36"
I'm tired of having it up with thumb tacks. I want it to look nicer in my room.

Wii Mario Party 8
I've always loved Mario Party, so on Wii it must be better

Wii Super Smash Bros Brawl
My roomate last year, her boyfriend brought it in our room to play. It looked like alot of fun (I couldn't play, I was doing homework). I've been wanting to play it since. Plus I bet my nephews would like to play it when they come over. Cooper and Caleb love the old Super Smash Bros on my Nintendo 64.

Wii Controllers and Nunchucks (2)
So everyone can join in on the fun

Battery Operated Tea Lights
I have some lanterns in my room, I'm afraid to keep a candle lit in them all the time so battery operated ones would be great to add a little light in those dark corners.

Gift Cards to Hobby Lobby, Michaels, and JoAnn's Fabrics

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Do I Have Too Much On My Plate?

This week starts my third week of my fall semester at EKU, I'm a lead teacher of the Infant II room at my job working 7am-3:30pm, and sorority life of Pi Beta Phi always has something going on. Do I have too much on my plate?

I LOVE my job. I don't want to leave at 3:30pm. I use to closing and want to stay later. Twice my boss has asked me, "Weren't you suppose to leave already?" I bet most people don't hear that. I love the kids in my class. Gosh just being a lead teacher doing lesson plans, decorating the classroom, and being responsible for these children doesn't seem to add extra stress, but it's stress-free. I just enjoy it so much. I would love to just work this the rest of my life and forget about college because I enjoy it so much. Just be a teacher and work on my art. Yeah but I barely get paid over minimum wage. I can't support myself on that. It sucks....

Also at work I have been painting that very large mural. Well with being a lead teacher now, I have no time during the day to do it. Someone from another YMCA branch came over to look at how it was. He asked if I was still working on it. I told them I was. I plan on working on after I clock out at 3:30 to 6pm when everyone leaves. I just have to get on a better schedule to do it.

Classes this semester suck. They are basic gen ed classes that really don't interest me. I just have to take them to graduate. I'm taking all four classes online so I have no classes to attend. But I have a hard time remembering to get online and check Blackboard. The third week just started today and I have already missed several assignments. What a great start huh? Slacker right here! Not really I just don't think to get online at all at the end of my day. I might get online 2-3 times a week. That doesn't work for several things. So my Labor Day weekend has been me completing my school work. Oh and my Labor Day off is getting caught up on my school work and ahead. Fun huh? Yeah the only time I left the house this weekend was to go to JoAnn Fabric's Labor Day sale. Very worth it. I got great stuff for my classroom and for my artwork.

Now Pi Beta Phi. I love my sisters. We just got done with recruitment and we have some great new baby angels. I see online on Facebook where some of my sisters have been hanging out with these great new girls. I feel left out. I'm here in Frankfort and missing out on the fun. I wish my sorority, EKU, my job, and my family were in the same town or area. What makes it so hard on me is that Pi Phi and EKU are in Richmond and my family and job are in Frankfort. I love all of them and they pull at me, trying to tear me in two.  I'm going up to Richmond tonight for our meeting so I hope I get my school work done and can get up there early and maybe hang out with some of the girls before meeting. My lovely sisters, I love you and it is hard to be away. I miss out on too much. Pi Phi is still very important to me and close to my heart.

Now I told you how I was organizing an exhibit for Frankfort's Art Walk on Sept. 24th. It's now September 6th and in the past few weeks I have done nothing with any of it. I am getting so far behind. These woman that were helping me are probably thinking I'm slacking on it. I'm trying not too. I keep thinking I haven't had time to email and organize things. And these last few weeks I have been non-existent on the project. I know one woman has been doing some work but I don't think the other is. I really need to find some time to work on this again today.

Well here has been my life. Blogging hasn't been mentioned or making my artwork because all the rest of this very important and has deadlines. I haven't been able to do either in weeks. It really sucks. My sister brought over her old scrapbooking cabinet and I added it to our craft room. When I did I rearranged a few things and cleaned up my desk. I could see my incomplete collage, supplies to finish decorating my mirror, and fabric to make into pillows.

So I have always been pretty good managing my time. I just got tons of new responsiblities thrown on me at once. I'm gonna rethink how to manage my time better. If it's driving to the Starbucks during my lunch to work on homework (since they have WiFi), staying after work to paint the mural, spending my weekends finishing any incompleted homework, working on the Art Walk exhibit after work, and if at the end of the day and everything is completed, finding time for blogging and my art work.
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Where Have I Been Lately?

OK I've been absent. I use to write a few times a week. It's been over a week and this month hasn't been too great overall. What I'm sorry to say it maybe a pretty common thing. My free time after work will become a limited thing. I'm sorry to say when I have free time my family, friends, and my artwork does come before my blog. So I'll be posting whenever I can. I'm still setting up a exhibit in m town's Art Walk next month and I'm trying to participate in other local art events. I also have a few pieces already planned to work on, I just have to figure out some color schemes. Here is some photos of the latest piece I am working on.

So I have done some more work on this since the last photo but no batteries, means a dead camera, and no new photos. I'm such a failure. At least I'm still moving forward. This is of my friend Hannah. I used a grid method to draw it because I wanted to get the exact facial features of my friend quicker. The background has changed quite a bit and I'm still not happy with it. The color scheme is really driving me nuts, and frustrating me. After a weekend away I may think of idea though.

Where am I going? Well school is back. Means I'm going to be active in my sorority Pi Phi again. Besides that I work a full-time job and a full-time student in online classes. The option to be ever be lazy on a Sunday won't be until Christmas. My time will stretched to be most beneficial. Lack of blog posts may happen.

PS. My Kick-Ass Creativity Posts will be put on hold. My sister ended up asking for it. I can't write the posts without writing the book. I may begin it back up if I'm still pumped about it when I get it back. If you were really interested in it though, I encourage you just to go out and read it. It may be like other encouragment and self-help books, but it was my first one so it's the one I love.
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Kick-Ass Creativity: Part One Energy

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy,
a quickening, that is translated through you into
action, and because there is only one of you in all
time, this expression is unique.
And if you block it, it will never exist through any
other medium and will be lost.
- Martha Graham (1894-1991)

I think this is a great timing for me to be covering this chapter, because it is a good time for me to reread it. After not getting the job for a lead teacher, I have been unsure on where to focus my energy. I felt like I had no drive for anything because for awhile it was wishing that I could have that job. Now that's gone I need a goal to reach for, something to focus my energy to. I thought I could just do that with school, but I found out it's going to take me a few more years to graduate. I need something more short-term to focus my energy on.

This upset is also affecting my artwork. When creating my mind roams through my thoughts. So when I make a mistake or when something disappointing happens, that's all I can think about and it drains my energy. Are energy comes and goes. Sometimes the creative flow just comes and sometimes it's plugged. We have all felt that. I started on new collages tonight, hoping I can get my creative energy flow back.

In the book Kick-Ass Creativity, it states that we all are no stranger to creative energy. It can flow, it can slow, it can come in large amounts of caffeine or come in a relationship. Mine is obviously at a slow. But what is energy? It is a powerful, transformative force. But it can also be defined as
1. as a fuel supply (as a source of vitality and vigor), 2. as an aid in converting ideas to form ( that which helps us adapt inspiration into a piece of art), and 3. as an entity (as in "may the force be with you").
We live with all different sources of energy. We learn to live with them and manage them. And that energy connects us all. We are drawn to people with similar energy as yourself. Whether its the energy someone left at a table in a resturant that you ask to sit at (we are even attracted to residual energy left behind).  Or I believe I feed off other's energy. Whenever I'm at work when all the children are there I get so much accomplish or when my nephews are at my house. I feed off the energy surrounding these children and able to do as much as them (or at least I think).

This chapter explaining energy is amazing. I can never do it justice in the little bit I have summazied. So far it is my favorite chapter of the book. Reading it makes me feel re-energized in myself and my creative abilities. Once I'm done with this book, it will be given to my sister. She is writing a book and she goes through all the creative energies, the ups and downs. I know she can benefit from this and I can and any other creative soul.


Well I've been absent from my blog again because I have been quite busy with my job. I work at a daycare. There was a lady there who was an awful teacher and I wanted her gone. Everyone at work did too. On Tuesday she brought in a letter saying she quit and that was her last day. I was so excited. I been wanting her job for months. Later that day we were asked who wanted that job. Of course I said yes! But so did two others.

Now begins the fun part. We had to create lesson plans and a morning of activities to do in the classroom. It was fun until I was being observed in the classroom while doing the stuff with the kids. So I was at home creating my lesson plans and making some things for the activities. I was completely ready to be observed.

Well one girl got cold feet. So it was just me and Candice. Both women who wanted the job I'm friends with and I know are good teachers. So that's what made this even harder. It's not like I could bad talk these girls and say how much better I was for the job than they were. I just really, really wanted this lead teacher job.

Both of us did really well and for a whole day my boss and assistant director were discussing who should they choose. They said it was a really hard pick. Eventually yesterday they told us who got the job. Well it wasn't me. They told me I did everything right, just where I am in college and I could leave I was not picked. Gosh so this is when getting a higher education can kick you in the butt in what you want.

I know Candice was excited for getting the job. I just wanted that job for a long time now. I love that age and that room. I had a whole notebook of ideas of things I wanted to do to that room to improve it. They told me if I continue to take online classes and show that classes won't be in my way then I would be next pick for a lead teacher job. I didn't want any lead teacher job though. I wanted that room. That's what sucks. What made it harder was that I was working in the room I wanted all day long, to be told it would not be mine, to have to go back in there and think I would not be able to do this.... or this... or this. Oh yeah I cried after that. The longer it has been the worse I have felt. Now I have a box a things for that room that I have been saving once they lady left and if I became the teacher. What do I do with it now?

I know this is only the beginning. They finally let me leave early not because I didn't get the job, but I was starting to get overtime hours for the week. Before I left they put Candice in her new room while I was in there, so I guess she can begin to get acquainted. It's going to be really rough for me to walk by that room or go in there awhile and see what she's doing.

Before this week started I was prepared to just finish getting my associates in early childhood development and stay with that job and try to begin to make an income with my art. I was just going to do night and online classes. Now I don't know what I should do. Since getting my education hurt me getting this job should I just say fuck it and get it done and over with before it stabs me in the back again? Should I just continue getting both degrees for the next three years of my life with no guarantee that I will get my own classroom teaching art? By then I won't want a lead teacher job at a daycare because with my education experience I would be making too little of money. Or should I try to prove to my bosses that I can stay around, taking nothing but online classes just so I can get a lead teacher job in a room I don't want or to know I got it cuz I was second pick?

I'm just so clueless right now. I like to know what goals I am trying to reach and do the best to get there. That's why I plan ahead so much. I had my mind all made up and now I'm stuck. I know I don't want to leave my job for another daycare, even if I was to make more. I'm just so attached to the kids there. The employees are my friends too. The kids are the ones who make me stay and make me laugh everyday though. I'm glad I have the weekend to try and get over this, but I have a feeling it's going to chew at me for a long time.

As one of my co-workers told me yesterday. Of  course I was upset and crying and it was ok. I put my heart and soul into this, and wanted it badly. I guess they are broken and I waiting on them to heal.
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Kick-Ass Creativity: An Introduction

Definition: Kick-Ass (Kik'as') adjective
1. having strong effect on someone or something; forceful; powerful
2. exceptionally good;spectacular, impressive, etc.
-Webster's New World College Dictionary

I've been reading a book called Kick-Ass Creativity by Mary Beth Maziarz. It's a book about an energy makeover for artists, explorers, and creative professionals. I believe many of my friends could also benefit from lessons in this book. I've read a few chapters now and thought I should share some bits that I learned with you. Maybe you will see that you enjoy what I have shared and may want to buy the book for yourself.

The back of the book says:


Looking for a way to fire up your creative process and devote more time to those sparks of inspiration? Now you can kick your creativity into high gear with Kick-Ass Creativity.

Professional songwriter, performer, and workshop leader Mart Beth Maziarz shows you how to tap into your creative energy by aligning your focus, feelings, and desires. Her energy makeover will help you discover where you're stuck and how to move forward to make your big mark on the world.

Kick-Ass Creativity offers a framework full of fun and practical tips for kick-starting the creative process:
-how to overcome resistance, procrastination, and negative thinking
-how to direct your energy to stay focused on your work
-how to jump-start your creativity to tapping into your feelings and emotions
- how to develop a support group

Whereever you currently reside on the kick-ass creative spectrum- novice or master, dabbler or maven - Kick-Ass Creativity will help you find that spark of brilliance that leads to your next thrilling project.

I really hope to write a few bits about each chapter once a week on Monday. So look forward for learning a few bits to jump start your creativity.

Organizing Trouble

Doesn't this look imitating? A few weeks ago I set out on the mission to organize my mother's room to organize her life and make it more suitable for scrub business. She was just starting out the business. For the past two weeks I haven't been motivated to work on it. As you can see that's my mother's bed. So she has been sleeping on the recliner for the past few weeks. I feel awful. I want to finish this room because my mother can get her room back. But furthermore it means that our crafting and sewing space is finally organized. Where to start? But where to start????? That pile is full of future goodwill items but also personal records and old pictures in photos. So I must look through each piece of paper to decide where to put it.

It's now 9pm and this job has been sitting over me all day. I have yet to start on it. I told my mom it will be my project today. Somehow I keep finding other things to do like, my laundry, catch up on reading blogs, taking care of finances, painting craft wooden figures from the dollar tree, and even organize our laundry room. I can't seem to organize my mother's room though.

My mom tells me I should be on the show Clean Sweep because I can just go in a tell her what she should have and what to get rid of. I can but it's hard when it's someone else's stuff. When it is my own, it is  a breeze. I have to work on it when my mother isn't home. My mom freaks out if I throw away a dingle thing, even a magazine from 1996 and a to-do list that could be 5 years old, but it could have stuff on it she needs. Nope it's trash and she can't stand it. My mom worked all day today and I was off all day and still have gotten nothing done...... :/

Yes right now I am just procrastinating even more right now by writing this blog. How do you start on something this imitating if your heart isn't in it at the moment. It was when I started, now it's been too long since I've worked on it. I guess I just have to dip my toe in a little at a time. Like when the water in the pool is too cold. I'm not one of those just jump in and get it over with it type of people. I have to have the right mentality on  the project at hand.
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Exciting News and Improvements All in One Week

I do not know where the time has been this week. I haven't been able to read and write a single blog. I haven't really found time even for Facebook. Otherwise it has been a pretty interesting week for me personally. One thing I was really excited about was that my boss finally was able to get a guy to bring me a tall ladder from another YMCA branch. If you didn't know, I am painting a mural on the playroom walls at the daycare I work at. I've had a height issue, with my step ladder I still could not reach the top of the wall. I now can climb up and reach the ceiling. I can actually finish painting some walls for the murals. This week I haven't been able to paint too much, but it has been awhile since I have updated about how much I have gotten and thought I should share. If you want to see past pictures of the room you can view them on some older blog posts here: and . A lot has been done to the walls, but they couldn't be completed before. Seeing it coming close to becoming completed I think not only does the ceiling need to be painted white but so does the poles and beams. The red metal stands out a lot and I would like to see it blend in more. Also in these pictures is alot of things in the way to view the walls good. The room has been used as a classroom for childcare teachers to receive certifications and also toys that need to be transported to other YMCA branches. They had their last class this past week and I hope they take the toys away and clear out this room so it will look closer to the big open playroom that it will be.

Yesterday I got exciting news! I recieved a phone call at work from someone from the Downtown Frankfort Interest Board. If you didn't know I live in Frankfort, KY. Though we are the capitol of our State we didn't have too much going on in interest of the arts. Always a thing here or there randomly and they were never big. Or so I thought. Downtown Frankfort has many independent stores, resturants, and shops. The board wants to encourage the growth of this wonderful environment. In June they had a thought of an Art Walk. In only a month they were able to set up 22 stops with wonderful feedback I hear. There is only a gallery or two in the area so many local shops and resturants feture independent artists to decorate their space. I had no idea. Plus the woman who helps pairing up independent artists with these shops is actually a daughter of one of my dad's good friends. My dad would talk about how a great sculptor she is, but I have never seen her work.

The reason they called me though was after the Franklin County Fair they saw the newspaper article announcing the winners in the art division. They had a great idea of setting up an exhibit to feature the work of winners in the fair. They contacted people from the fair about who would be good people to help set this up. Amazingly my name was one of three brought up. I enter my stuffin the fair to make a little money and also get my name out in the community. I guess it's paying off. I was so excited!.... and still am of course. It was so random, but so great.

So now the next Art Walk is September 24th. That night we have our last community Summer Concert Series and it's the night before the World Equestrian Games begin. We have people all over the world staying in our town and all over our state. We really hope the people from these countries will come out and enjoy a night in the local community before the games start. They can attend the Art Walk and the Summer Concert Series. So not only that night am I organizing and managing Franklin County Fair Art Show Winner's Exhibit but my work will also be featured in it. We are also able to put are work up to be sold. I really hope some wonderful things will come from  this great opprotunity. So obviously a lot more to come as I work on this. :D!!!!!!

I just played around with some collaging techniques this week and this is what I came up with. It's a little interesting. I'll play with some more but I think I love the collage portraits I do more.
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Blogs, Workshop, Dress

Now it is hard for me to post as often as I like. I have several things I want to update and share, it's getting a little hard. I began to find all these lovely blogs that I love to read now (I need to update my list in my sidebar). I even won my first giveaway on a blog. Every night this week, I get my computer out check email, Facebook, and Twitter before moving on reading the blogs. Next I know I am tired and ready for bed. It seems that time will be approaching soon for me, so I can't make this long and catch up on a lot I want to.

Normally I spend the weekends spending a good amount of time catching up on my blogging. This weekend I can not. My sorority is having are Summer Workshop. At home I will fall behind but I have not seen my sisters basically all summer, so it will be nice to see them and get ready together for this Fall semester. Maybe I'll get a chance to blog there but I doubt it.

Also the dress my mother (cough, cough.... and me) has been working on will be completed tonight. I am so glad. I will show my Pi Phi sisters this weekend and I'll show you the end product real soon. Last I tried it on, it looked really good. All is left is hemming the bottom of the dress. Exciting!!!
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First Pen and Ink in Years

My second mixed media collage of my friend Rachel is done. I have been showing the process on here and I finished it last sunday right before Ihad to enter it in the fair. It has been in a barn for the county fair all week and now it's back at my house. I almost feel like I may have rushed the process a bit. Especially when I was completeing the face. Because I feel this way I'm not entirely happy with it. It is all mental though because I do think it looks nice. Who knows? Give me your opinion.

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Not Really My Sewing Project Anymore

It quickly came apparent last night I have almost no sewing experience. I had no idea how to read the markings on the pattern. Mom showing me how to do it became her almost basically sewing it all. I have been able to cut the fabric out and sew the straps, but that's about it. I picked the pattern from how the dress looked, but had no idea the sewing I would need to know to complete it. It requires pleating and altering because it doesn't fit my body shape quite right. I have no experience with any of this. I'm watching and trying to learn. For right now though, it has become my mother's sewing project. At least I know my mother is doing this right and I can't screw it up too badly. So I'm in here writing my blog, while she's in the other room sewing my dress. I feel bad. This was my project. I wanted to complete it, but I just don't have enough sewing experience to do something on this level. This really sucks.

The other day I picked up my artwork from the county fair. I had won in a few areas and got a whopping $27 check for my winnings. The thing is I also had the most points of all that entered in the art division so I also won the sweepstakes prize. The prize for it was $15 gift card to JoAnn's fabric. Not big winnings at all. The economy has taken it's toll on the fair for sure. Three years ago my winnings was three times as much and every year it gets more puny. I got a first place ribbon is watercolors still life, sculpture, pastels, acrylic painting of a landscape, and pen and ink. I got a second place ribbon in acrylic painting portrait and watercolors landscape.
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It Has Been A Busy Week

This week I have been busy and I have been unable to get on the Internet. Sleeping has been my friend though, so that felt nice. Last Sunday after reading Cloth Paper Scissors Studio Summer magazine, I felt had an epiphany (hope that's spelled right) to how to make my mom's bedroom and our craft room more suitable for my mom's scrub making business. It would also allow more work space in the craft room for me. Internet was out from moving the stuff around since the modem was in my mother's bedroom. It's not done yet, but it is work-able now for the weekend sewing project.

College is starting up soon, for sorority women means preparing for fall recruitment. I was needing to get a fuchsia dress to wear one night. I could not find one that was long enough or appropriate. So the crafty girl in me decided to sew a dress then. I bought the fabric and pattern over a month ago, I think. Well mom has been busy sewing scrubs, I haven't sewed really since grade school, and I needed help. I sewed a pillow first to make sure I wasn't going to completely screw this up. Now I need the dress this Friday so I can show it to show my sisters. That way if I screw this up (I really hope I don't), I have some time left to try and find one again. So today and tomorrow will be my sewing days to start and complete this dress. Wish me luck! So I don't have to worry about it during the week when I am working and possibly working and organizing my mom's room again.
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Photo Challenge Wrap-Up

Day 17 - A picture of what you wore today. I'm not wearing it yet. But I will be soon. I'm about to get ready to go to my brother's party to celebrate him and his wife's first house together. This is what I will be wearing.

Day 18 - A picture of you and a best friend. I always disliked the best friend thing. I have a lot of really good friends and I don't like to pick one over the other. The first picture is my friend Rachel. We have literally know each other since she was born and after 21 years we are still great friends. The next picture is me and my big sister in my sorority. I haven't seen her all summer and it has felt so weird. The bottom picture is with me is Kay and David. I can say that David is my best guy friend. He can drive me insane, he did more in high school than now, but things wouldn't be fun without it.

Day 19 - A favorite picture of yours. This a picture of River Street in Savannah, GA. Lucky one night someone had their ship on the river so I could get a great picture of it. I really wish I could have a second home in Savannah. After living there for a few months, I miss it dearly.

Day 20 - Any picture that you want. This is my baby girl Cass. We have 5 dogs in my house. Out of all of them she is my baby girl. She loves to cuddle and sleep with you. I miss her so much when I have to live in my dorm room.
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