Mankind's Fascination with Self-Expression

Wow should I even bother to explain where I have been?!? I mean it seems every week something else crazy or problem comes along that needs fixing..... so three months worth might take awhile. Yeah........ I don't want to type all that. So here it is in a nutshell.....

Working full-time while taking online classes = FAIL!!! Me and online classes = COMPLETE FAIL!!! So together...... it was pretty bad. I'm gonna have to retake some classes for sure... :( Ok then blood work shows that I have poor health. I mean I'm a big girl I know my health was crap, but when a doctor tells you and puts you on medication for it. It becomes more real and stressful. Holiday were.... okay. Parties cancelled due to craziness and illness. So didn't get to see all the people I normally do during this time of year. But I was going back to college on campus to concentrate on school and my sorority. But a day worth of anxiety attacks and anxiety that wouldn't go away after days left me a huge decision that weighed in on me. I dropped out of school. But only for a few semesters, I hope...... I left my job so I'm jobless.

That's my current state. Lol! I learned to just laugh now, cuz I can't change anything that happened. I can try to shape the future the best I can. So with self-expression I will find my way back to a path that can take me forward. It will take awhile to get there, but with each step I can get closer to someone I want to be.... and figure out a few things on the way.

January with being so rough I didn't want to be in transition. January is hard enough month to get through on its own. Yesterday being the day I caught up on the last three months of blogs I missed reading (yeah I could only glance... just so much to catch up on) I saw a blog article called "6 Steps to Beat the January Greys". It didn't come out until recently but I needed someone in the beginning to tell me that.

So how do I start this new journey of mine? I'm job-less, health is in the shitter, single, bank account almost non-existent, and a good family and friends to lean on. Though a few weeks ago I so full anxiety I didn't want to do shit! Just hang out with friends and family to have some fun to forget all the bad. But damn that family of mine for making me get out of the house to go apply for jobs.... I knew I needed it I so did not want to do that then. Last week I finally got a few applications in for state office positions, substitute teaching, and at the local library. And I'm really happy about it. An absence of moola in the bank can change a persons thoughts pretty quick... especially when your eyeing getting a new car.... Oh yeah! Car is also having issues. Yay more problems!!!! I have a few more positions I know I will apply for in the next day or so, so i hope I get some phone calls soon! Keep your fingers crossed!

So that covers the job issue... somewhat. :/ Best that I can do. What about my health? I need a life change in my diet and fitness. I'm the heaviest I have ever been and it really sucks! I always want to be healthy and active but getting to that bit is hard and staying there. Well first I needed something to help me with my diet change. I want to cook more. I've looked up healthy recipes online and added them to my cookbook of foods I love that aren't bad for you. Mexican and Chinese foods are delicious and I really needed a healthy alternative to my favorites so I don't crave those fatty choices. I also need a way to track how much I am eating and what amount is healthy for me. My sister signed up for weight watchers not long ago and stayed on it for a bit until some stressful things happened to her. Also if we did this together it will be nicer and easier to stay on track. I just don't agree with the new ways they calculate points, but on well! Let's see if this works. I'm also the type of person that has to go out to be active. If I'm at home I rather sit on my couch and read, on the computer, or watch TV. I need a gym! I like going but I hate working out in front of dudes! Maybe if I was skinny and just staying fit... okay maybe I would like to show off. But right now I'm gonna kick my own ass, and I don't want no cute guy looking at me thinking "gosh can that girl breath?" All girl gyms cost so much. But I think a gym my friend told me about has a basement for women only, it's also 24/7. I hope so! No matter what though both of these cost money... money that I don't have! So..... job must come first and better be fast.

So I've been single for two years somewhat.... I've did some dates but no long-term relationship. I don't mind being single, especially when I am wanting to change my life for the better. I want a guy to find me once my life is better. But for fun I did the free profiles on match.com and eharmony.com. My brother found his wife online and I have been wanting to give it chance. We are online people. We socialize online at our blogs and make friends.... so why not meet a guy this way? So far I like it. I saw some guys that have some interests that are similar and some that are pretty cute. Of course unless you pay its hard to really get to the point of going on a date. Once I get my health better and have a steady job I am really considering doing this for real. That's far down the path but something to work for. And who knows maybe prince charming will be walking in Wal-mart one night and we bump carts and I won't need no website to help me find him. But until I'll just wait and see.

I really want to thank my friends and family for being there for me. My family are tough and brutally honest. I hate when they are and it leads to me yelling and people hanging up phones on each other.... :O I know they mean well so that why I still talk to them and love them. Lol! Then my friends who I haven't spend this much time with each other as I have had in a long time. We can be separated for awhile and hang out like we saw each other yesterday. When it has been awhile.... conversations last forever. You have taken me out to have fun, random trips, a few drinks, and of course some wii time. Thanks you keep the fun in me when I'm having to be so serious lately.

Art production is in a all time low. Just the other night I painted a few things that I meant to do before Christmas... and it was really simple. I painted some cute ornaments for co-workers and  I think that's it. I barely remembered to take some pictures of them. I will post those soon since it is the only art I did these past three months. Yuck! I have been reading again. And I plan to continue that. I hope to read about a book a week maybe. A few books I read in the past I want to reread them and maybe I'll write some book reviews?!?! I don't know. My sister sure does rub off on me.... she is the reader and writer.... not me.

Speaking of my sister, Heather... she has a blog giveaway for the month of February to boycott Valentine's Day. Valentine's day is a corporate monster that needs to be tamed! It's a day to love yourself and others. So with my life being in crack of one huge ass. I need some self-loving. Lol not in a dirty way... you perverted minds! But just to appreciate myself and get this blog and my life back on track. Here is a link so you can participate and win prizes too! http://blameitonthefullmoon.blogspot.com/2011/01/month-of-self-love-not-dirty-kind-and.html?spref=fb

Here it is to February.... to being the beginning of my new year, cuz January sucked! I may make Chinese New Year my new years eve with resolutions to make and stay by for the year 2011. So good bye January!!! You better not suck this way next year!

My sis is having a giveaway and I am also going to use this to get back into blogging. Hold on world I am coming back.

Lost in the View: A month of Self Love (not the dirty kind) and Give...: "I'm not a fan of Valentine's Day. Not even when I was married. I mean, yes, I love all the red and pink around, but V-Day should simply be a..."

My last post left in all confusion. That new confusion left and new ones came. My life has almost been turned upside down from a year ago and a lot of the changes happened in the last two months. So until I know how these recent changes are going to plant themselves, blogging is not my top priority. Here's to another long break.